Well hello there old friend…and by old friend I can only assume I’m talking to myself because after over a year of radio silence on the blog it’s possible that I’m the only one still here. Okay, maybe my mom. Hi mom. 🙂
It feels like forever since I’ve written anything or even checked in (nearly 13 months to be exact). A whole lot has happened in our lives since my last post. For starters – after 3 long years on this journey, we finally moved in to the Dreamhouse.
And I know I you’re probably expecting me to gush about how happy & excited we all are to be enjoying the fruits of our labour, but here’s the thing – real life after a renovation doesn’t always play out the way dreams do.
Don’t get me wrong. We do love our house, and it’s great to finally be moved in. But I must admit that at first, living the reality of our dream felt very bitter sweet.
You see, the move was very tough on Kash. As adults it’s easy to get caught up & swept along in the reno – so much so that you forget to think about what might happen once the initial excitement of the “shiny new house” fades into what that really means for a kid – new school, new routine, having to make new friends, no longer living with or seeing his Nana & Poppa everyday – for us, the reality was very overwhelming. For a 6 year old I can only imagine that must have felt like his whole world was turned upside down virtually overnight.
For Kes and I it was tough. Tough to know that he was hurting & stressful dealing with the behavioral outbursts that came along with that. Suddenly our smiling, happy-go-lucky kid had turned into a very angry, frustrated little guy who’s mood swings would make our heads spin. We’d get updates from his teacher & not recognize the child she was describing. I felt like we’d broken him.
And I felt torn.
On the one hand we’ve got this big beautiful house that we worked so hard for, and then on the other hand, you feel like it’s the cause of so much stress and anguish. For me as a mother, it’s been particularly hard to feel fully happy about it & proud of all we’ve accomplished.
As a blogger it made writing about it all feel very empty.
And so Kes & I took some time off.
We took time away from the constant stream of DIY projects & the self imposed pressure to document it all. Time to recover both financially & emotionally. Time to put our son first to help him heal emotionally and deal with the huge transition he’d just gone through; time to get some perspective. Time to just be.
Having come out the other side I can say with confidence that what doesn’t break you, only makes you stronger. And as cliche as that might sound, you only realize once you’ve lived it, just how true that sentiment is.
That said, we’re still working through things as a family – and it’s interesting to see how much we learn about ourselves through our son. But I felt like it was time I shared a bit of insight into what our lives have been like “inside the dream”.
In a world where we so often get consumed with the the cosmetic lives of others, as seen through perfectly styled homes & captured one moment at a time on social media, I wanted be a reminder, however small, that real life isn’t always what it seems in photos. At times it’s more beautiful, but it’s also messy, it’s hard, it’s ever-changing, it’s real, and mostly perfectly imperfect.
I know this sounds like things are coming to an end, and in some ways they are. (Not to worry, we’re not going anywhere…) For us, this just feels like the closing of the first chapter of our story. And it’s fitting because we’ve essentially come to the end of our journey to build a Dreamhouse.
And now we get to turn it into our Dream HOME.